Sometimes, the Tooth Hurts...

...and occasionally, the Truth can be a bit painful too. In my case, the truth is I am (still) an addict - gratefully (still) recovering!

A week ago Friday, I went in to the dentist to get a couple of drillings and fillings. The one on my right rear lower molar was a bit deep, and the dentist was concerned that it might need a root canal. By the following evening it was obvious that it would, as the pressure began to build and the throbbing began. Over the weekend the pain radiated from my jaw and down the back of my neck. Of course I took some Excedrin and acetaminophen to take the edge off, hoping that it would all just go away, but by Monday night anything OTC was no good, and my sleep was nearly non-existent.

So Tuesday Keri convinced me to go to the Endodontist (root Dr.), but he could not get me in until Thursday! So I called Keri and told her that I would not make it 2 more days without something narcotic in nature to relieve the pain. I assured her that she would hold them, reminding her that as long as I took them "as prescribed," my "clean time" would remain intact (how's that for some great justification!). I could almost taste the pain-numbing opiate in my mouth, as my euphoric recall kicked into high gear.

Of course Keri calmly proceeded to freak-out over the phone, and said "NO-WAY-NOT-AGAIN" and abruptly ended the conversation. Apparently she worked her wifely-magic (cajoling/ranting/pleading?) and got me an appointment Tuesday afternoon. I soon found myself un-comfortably reclined in "the chair", the entire right side of my face numb, having that tooth's roots vigorously reamed-out (yee-haww). That night, the throbbing, general pain was obviously gone, leaving the more local discomfort from the tooth trauma. Ibuprofen 800 took care of that, and by Saturday night I could sleep through the night again. Now I just have to get through two more days of the nauseating antibiotics. (Wahh-wahh, poor ME;-)

So, my name is still Matt, and I am, still an addict. But that's not such a terrible thing - because it is not a secret, and I have the tools and support system that allows me to get through life clean - one day at a time. I have learned that if I do all that I can to stay in recovery mode, and I still fall short, God will make up the difference - often times in very unexpected ways! This tooth experience has reminded me that even though I have accumulated some recovery experience, that I am still human, and cannot do it all alone. The day may come when my health requires the use of stronger drugs. If that day comes, I will use all that I have learned up to that point to deal with it, not alone, and stay in recovery mode.

Recovery is so much more than just clean, dry, or sober time. A good friend recently reminded me that it is a 24-hour a day, new attitude, outlook, and perspective from which I cannot afford even a moment's vacation. For someone in recovery, it is a new way of life - in which I daily learn how to use a vast toolbox of new knowledge and resources to deal with life's inevitable challenges, struggles, and even pain - without the escape of drugs.

Occasionally I resent the fact that I am an addict, but I quickly let that go as soon as I realize that it is leading to self-pity. I then replace it with gratitude for all that I have learned in recovery, and for the opportunity to share and possibly help another person today.

This 'blog posting is probably mostly self-serving - pushing my recovery on for another day. That is one of the great paradoxes in recovery - that I keep what I have only by giving it away. That being the case, if you choose to comment or respond to this posting, that is fine - but I would prefer that you don't include any accolades. I don't talk much about the sordid details of my past addictions, because I prefer to stay in the now, and focus on the positive aspects of today! I am happy to share my past experiences on a more personal level - perhaps I will write a book some day. For now I will share at meetings or in an occasional less-graphic 'blog posting...Just for Today!